if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
