WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
