It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
