i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My life is pants optional.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
