i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You need Xanax blowdarts
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
