i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Randomize
