I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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