I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
