I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
