my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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