This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
