remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
