Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
