Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
