bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
