great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
