Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
