And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
