Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
