Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
