They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Life is so much better after having sex.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
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