I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
