threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
