3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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