I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
