for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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