my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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