So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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