I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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