Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
