it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
