Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
