Having a random hookup so left but love u
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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