Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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