it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
