ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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