I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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