Hey man sorry I got all grabby
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
