why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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