How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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