5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
