I am puke
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So much rum. So many feels.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
