theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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