His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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