Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
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Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
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And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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