Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
