I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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