I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize