I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
