Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
