Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
