That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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