His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
