Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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