Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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