My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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