I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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