I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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