You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
