i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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