Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
