I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
