and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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