Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize