I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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