Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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