We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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