i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
