he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
