I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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