Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
