It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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