help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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