i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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