I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
