I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
