My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
