Texts From Last Night

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  (845): View more from New York

  maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night

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  (845): maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night http://tfl.nu/d95d
  Replies (12) Good night (955) Bad night (2866)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?

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  (301): do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning? http://tfl.nu/rfsi
  Replies (55) Good night (4850) Bad night (502)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize

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  (403): I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize http://tfl.nu/xooj
  Replies (17) Good night (4145) Bad night (1481)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.

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  (609): I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke. http://tfl.nu/ibe5
  Replies (11) Good night (951) Bad night (3953)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much

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  (518): I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much http://tfl.nu/5fop
  Replies (3) Good night (1274) Bad night (563)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.

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  (518): I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk. http://tfl.nu/wd6k
  Replies (3) Good night (1657) Bad night (530)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  So the keyword here is "hammered"?

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  (404): And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right? (1-404): So the keyword here is "hammered"? http://tfl.nu/1kxs
  Replies (1) Good night (1463) Bad night (426)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me

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  (512): Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me http://tfl.nu/3y5j
  Replies (19) Good night (1254) Bad night (975)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work

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  (850): apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work http://tfl.nu/utr1
  Replies (10) Good night (1055) Bad night (604)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".

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  (+44): No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills". http://tfl.nu/ec0b
  Replies (3) Good night (663) Bad night (379)
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me

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  (334): I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me http://tfl.nu/iy9q
  Replies (6) Good night (619) Bad night (452)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?

  (650): View more from California

  I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.

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  (801): You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address? (650): I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days. http://tfl.nu/fel9
  Replies (3) Good night (983) Bad night (345)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.

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  (850): I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute. http://tfl.nu/idmm
  Replies (2) Good night (1227) Bad night (326)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  ITS ORAL SEX CAROL

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  (651): My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means (651): ITS ORAL SEX CAROL http://tfl.nu/ccj7
  Replies (7) Good night (1350) Bad night (362)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.

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  (423): People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store. http://tfl.nu/4ti5
  Replies (9) Good night (520) Bad night (529)

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