dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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