Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked