Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.

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(415): Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were. http://tfl.nu/n6mv

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(203): View more from Connecticut

No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.

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(203): No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket. http://tfl.nu/3z5u

Replies (31) Good night (828) Bad night (2450)
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(408): View more from California

every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.

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(408): every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better. http://tfl.nu/nucz

Replies (10) Good night (3018) Bad night (937)
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(208): View more from Idaho

We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever

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(208): We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever http://tfl.nu/81xl

Replies (30) Good night (8810) Bad night (891)
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(847): View more from Illinois

Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess

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(847): Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess http://tfl.nu/s4vr

Replies (7) Good night (917) Bad night (3853)
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(303): View more from Colorado

It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.

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(303): It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes. http://tfl.nu/06hp

Replies (36) Good night (924) Bad night (9708)
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(843): View more from South Carolina

I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.

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(843): I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out. http://tfl.nu/k8va

Replies (21) Good night (927) Bad night (4668)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.

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(978): who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name. http://tfl.nu/fmfw

Replies (16) Good night (1197) Bad night (4723)
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(407): View more from Florida

If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.

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(407): If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life. http://tfl.nu/zp1p

Replies (11) Good night (982) Bad night (2520)
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(229): View more from Georgia

I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.

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(229): I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did. http://tfl.nu/0cy8

Replies (12) Good night (1282) Bad night (819)
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(318): View more from Louisiana

After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.

(1-318): View more from Louisiana

Stop giving me tequila.

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(318): After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do. (1-318): Stop giving me tequila. http://tfl.nu/y3ru

Replies (6) Good night (2263) Bad night (635)
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(650): View more from California

You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?

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(650): You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right? http://tfl.nu/n9sw

Replies (4) Good night (833) Bad night (652)
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(571): View more from Virginia

In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.

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(571): In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades. http://tfl.nu/v1fc

Replies (18) Good night (1272) Bad night (515)
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(805): View more from California

Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours

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(805): Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours http://tfl.nu/47o4

Replies (0) Good night (508) Bad night (289)
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(602): View more from Arizona

Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours

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(602): Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours http://tfl.nu/swqx

Replies (2) Good night (798) Bad night (295)

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