you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock