I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
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so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Found your dick twin last night
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
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She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.