my computer doesn't work...
i puked on it last night
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I can feel your judgement through the phone