Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
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Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence