i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.