Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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