What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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