We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER