I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
